I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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