I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
