pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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