I am puke
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
