So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
