Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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