my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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