the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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