There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
