You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Small penises have feelings too.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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