Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
