im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
