so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
