Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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