My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
