Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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