Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
