we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
