If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
