I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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