sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize