True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
