i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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