anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
