so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
