it was like his penis was on wheels.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
