dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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