I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
