I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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