Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
