Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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