wakey wakey hands off snakey
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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