You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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