I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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