I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
And then he peed in my hair
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