I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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