i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
