12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
