There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
