How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
