Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
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He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
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It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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