Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
PANTIES FOUND
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
