I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
