Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
