i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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