Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
