Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
