Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i've created a new STD.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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