I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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