We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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