mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
