well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
