Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
meet me or not, i'm out of control
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
