I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
