I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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