Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
