Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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