She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She's the barista slut.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
