my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
