My Higher Power is John Stamos
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
