No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
