have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.