Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize