I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
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