I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
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i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
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She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.