she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
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All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.