ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car