it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
