Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
