Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
