Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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