it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
a search helicopter?!
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
