Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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