Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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