me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
