i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
