omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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