peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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