I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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