shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize