it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
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someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
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I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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